The Good, the Bad and the Ugly!

The tragedy in Ithamar just a few days ago (last Friday evening) needs no introduction to anyone who keeps up with world events. 

What many people might not be aware of are some of the follow ups after this tragedy. For example did you know that the PA may well be in the process right now of naming a square in "honour" of the terrorists - for the horror (our language) ("success" - their language) that they have perpetrated? Or did you know that Iran Praises the Savage Murders:

"Iran’s semi-official Fars News Agency told Iranians that the attackers “managed to kill all the five Zionists who were in the house…. The Palestinian combatant has returned home safely after conducting his mission successfully." - Arutz Sheva

But many don't know something else... While there were those looking to destroy innocent people for their own delight, one young innocent boy - Yoav Fogel HY"D (11 years old) saw life differently. In fact, following a Torah way of life - learning it and taking it to heart, he had placed a special card above his bed. Perhaps he looked at it before he went to sleep, and again when he awoke - and perhaps a few times during the day too. Being by his bed - one can imagine how important it was to him.

On this beautiful card (included in picture above), the following is written:

"A Prayer about loving one's friends

May it be Your will Hashem, my G-d and the G-d of my fathers that You should make me meritorious to be able to love every single Jew as I love myself, and to fulfill in the best possible way the Mitzvah of 'Love your fellow as you love yourself'

And so too may it be Your will my G-d and the G-d of my fathers, that You should put it into the hearts of my friends that they should love me with a powerful love and that I should be accepted and favoured by everyone. And I should be beloved and charming and find favour in all those who see me.

Just as water mirrors a face, so too does the heart of one man mirror the heart of the other. And everything should be for the sake of Heaven.

To fulfill Your will AMEN!"

There is a natural commitment to loving one's fellow Jew... but loving another like oneself can be extended to all of G-d's creatures as Hillel taught - Be one of the students of Aharon HaKohen, love peace and pursue peace, "Ohev et habriot" - love all creatures, all people and everything that G-d has created in the world - and bring them closer to Torah.

Isn't life so different for so many people?! What makes us different as a Jewish nation? The Torah!

While on one side of the world, an innocent child awakens each morning to want nothing more than to pursue peace - wherever he can, on the other side of the world, there are those who awake to plot evil conspiracies against purely innocent people - the very people who try so hard to work on themselves to desire nothing more than to love another like themselves.

This is the nature of a Jew. It is his nature because his soul is great. But even with that, he does not settle for what is given to him as a Divine gift. He realises that contrary to popular belief about everyone just "being a good person" in life without a need for some objective law book (an understatement for the value of Torah), he is completely dependent upon the values that it teaches.

With our own minds, we can make anything up. We can turn the most violent behaviour into a Mitzvah and even receive praise from the rest of the world for it. To continue upon such a path of life - to believe that one can come to be a "good person" based upon one's own limited thinking, is to eventually end up "on the other side of the world."

The good, the bad and the ugly... You decide who fitted into which category in this last tragedy. As for me, I'm grateful I have the Torah. There is nothing in it - except for life, goodness, kindness and beauty. If you're not already "connected" and involved in a Torah path, do yourself a favour, turn to the very first words of the Torah, "In the beginning G-D created the heavens and the earth," and begin to give up on the "wonders" and "brilliance" of the human mind, and appreciate that becoming humble to G-d, means one becomes humble to truth, goodness and kindness. There's much to learn in the Torah from basic history to law, from stories - to the deepest secrets of the universe.

Of course, there is "the good, the bad, and this ugly" all the time... but every day,  each of us will need to confront it and ask ourselves *honestly* if indeed we have our values right or whether or not we must strengthen ourselves not just in thought and speech but most importantly in action - in making a difference in the lives of others. 

How do we know what to do?! The answers can only be found in the Torah - for everything is in it. Turn it over and over... for everything is in it.

If you are needing help in making a commitment to Torah study or Mitzvah observance, check in at http://lovingkindness.co and contact Rav Eliyahu for one-on-one online lessons or make your commitment to help newly married couples set up their homes. Now is the time as we remember all the Achashveiroshe's and Haman's of the world, and use what goodness we have to give over - to help those in true need. It is our surest way of defeating those who continue to plot against us every single day!

Wake up each morning to think goodness, speak it and do it. Remember it always! Sharing the tragic stories such as these will be of help only when we push ahead to increase in goodness and kindness and not just discuss it.

Partners for Life. Marriage: The Ultimate Duet (with Special Video Clip!)

In today's day and age, just about everyone is an expert about things like life, relationships and dare we even mention marriage?! The average person is clear about life values, what's important, how to judge others (or rather not to) and just about anything that's worthy of being under the heading of "life-skills."

Looking at today's divorce rates, it's clear, "everyone" is an authority about what being a life partner is all about, and how to go about finding one too. Running a Shidduch service and "bumping into" dozens of young (and elderly) singles, I've learned that it's the young who are far clearer today about real moral ethics than the elderly have ever been. They are often ready to share their own knowledge about what they know as being right – whether in terms of who they are looking for (rightly so!) or whether in terms of how the Shadchan should do their job. They are quick to let you know whether you're entitled to charge for your efforts – and even quicker to let you know that you just don't know a thing about life (or them!) There are of course those who are sincere, ready for real life and willing to hear another opinion. (And to those like that, I say "THANK YOU!")

Today, everything is about instant gratification. We're the ultimate "I"nstant generation. Whether it's the latest gadget (that may have an "I" somewhere in its name – usually at the very beginning!) or whether it's simply about the "I"go (sic). The main thing is that in today's world a 56K "I"nternet line no longer does it for the need for speed when it comes to downloads, uploads or "I"nstant talk with a prospective partner (for life!) Today everything is Mega this and Mega that (taken out of the context of MArriaGE!)

The world of Shidduchim has become far too laborious for the average "I" person. In the "good ol' days" a caring and concerned friend (mentor etc.) would take charge of guiding two people to their future destiny. Today it's "I"nternet sites filled with pictures of just about every variety of colour and shape anyone could ever imagine. Clicking on the image will give "I"nstant gratification as one learns all about another person, from their age and location to their favourite hobbies and what they enjoy doing with their time when life is simply too boring to doing anything worthwhile.

The main page of many of these sites sports a graphic or the like, indicating the "successful" marriages made – often in the thousands – luring the newbie into imagining that the fantasy portrayed is the reality. Personally, I've never seen any of the sites indicating if anyone divorced and whether the general statistic of the divorce rate applies to individuals meeting this way (though I do know of people who have divorced.)

Are people fickle though? In setting up our Shidduch database, we put effort into designing a comprehensive questionnaire to really steer singles into learning about themselves and what they want in life. Many have never joined us because they felt the questionnaire was too long – and they wanted to stick with the "I"nstant gratification principle. Speed! If only there was something quick – they said! So we set up a special 60 second Shidduch database exclusive to the "I" generation person. In just 60 seconds, you can find out exactly who you are, tell us about yourself and we'll let other "on-the-go" singles know all about you. Great idea?! Ironically, emails came in laughing at the thought of the possibility of a 60 second Shidduch.

Today – we have both options available. If you're ready to get serious – there's work to be done! But if you think that's funny, you can always join the quick-fix! Of course, if you think that *that's* funny and you feel things should actually be serious, and you're still laughing at the serious system – then you may find yourself at a loss for ever finding someone – let alone – yourself.

So what could we imagine marriage to really be all about? Do we realise the commitment we're making or are we more interested in the quick-fix (how ever it comes about and how ever long it lasts for?!)

Imagine a piano… It plays music. Great! You could get yourself some good keyboards for just a few hundred dollars. Now, imagine learning how to play it. It's going to take time, and money of course. But even then for just another few hundred dollars you could probably manage that too. You could even become good at it. But it still requires some commitment.

Ever played piano together with someone else though? It's called a duet. And now, playing piano takes on new vistas altogether. It's not really all about the "I" any longer actually. It's now about the "you", the "we" and "it's really best that we keep in tune!" It's all about the timing and the time… It takes a lot more effort to play together, in harmony, in time and with the correct rhythm when you've got to coordinate your music with someone else.

And then of course imagine switching roles every now and again?! Imagine jumping from your side of the piano to your partners, as they take over your role – and then back again – yet again! 

Imagine though handling all this. And as you change roles (a breather!) you still have enough time for a moment of love. Imagine sharing a touch as you pass each other – a touch of kindness and love as the roles are exchanged. Imagine finding the time for this?!

Imagine – as things always happen – that as you're busy changing roles you collapse! But you still get up again remembering exactly where you left off? No hard feelings. No… The feelings of love are still there. Playing the piano can be great fun when done together. Playing music in harmony with another is a great blessing! And one never has to give up, because it can be done. 

Of course, the piano is easy to acquire, and even learning to play it can be done. But doing it all together takes much more work, and dealing with the normal "falls" of life can be quite disconcerting!  But when one is doing all this with a life time friend – one might find it a lot easier. After 62 odd years together, one might actually enjoy it.

I guess that's what marriage is really all about. It's about getting the piano together. It's about learning how to play the duet together. It's about changing roles and still showing the love when both are needed (always of course!) And it's about being able to get up after the fall – still with a great smile on one's face. It's not at all instant. I don't believe 60 seconds will do it (though it's there for those who are interested!)

But, as so many young (young) singles have shared – what do Shadchanim know about making introductions today?! They really don't know a thing about the person concerned, nor what's important in a married life. I must therefore take leave of all this preaching, and leave it to the experts now.

Enjoy the video. Just a superficial glance is enough to tell anyone in just a short moment – what marriage is really all about.

The Value of One Pita...

What's a Pita worth to you? How about if it were during Pesach? What takes precedence in your mind then (Pesach or Pita?) Is it just "days gone by" when the Jewish people simply had to follow the Torah's rules, or are they relevant to us today? Could the eating of one Pita really make the difference in anyone's life today - even if it were being eaten on Pesach?! How many lives could we possibly save - how much goodness could we bring into the world - if we simply refrained from eating a Pita on Pesach? How many lives could actually be destroyed from eating a Pita on Pesach?!

Do we ever stop to consider the real ramifications of our strength in following the Torah as a guide in life - as opposed to the often detrimental consequences from going against it (G-d forbid)? So many of us are crying out for a better world. STOP THE WARS... we shout out. 

The Torah is our ultimate guide to life. In fact, eating a Pita on Pesach can well make the difference to the lives of thousands... That choice (when it comes to eating that Pita then), a choice which shows an apathetic attitude to acknowledging that there really is a Creator of the world can truly mark the difference of bringing life into this world - or G-d forbid, taking it away.

The following story was recently written up in a newsletter of Manhigut Yehudit.

"In the first Lebanon War in 1982, the IDF essentially forced the PLO terror organization out of Lebanon and into exile in Tunisia. The PLO was in complete disarray. One of the prisoners in the Israeli detention camp, Ansar, was a senior terrorist, admired by his henchmen. His name was Salah Taamari and he was a broken man.

In the book about Taamari, Mine Enemy, penned by Israeli journalists Amalia and Aharon Barnea, Taamari told Barnea of the transformation he underwent in Ansar. While in prison, he had completely despaired of any hope that the Palestinians would one day realize any of their territorial dreams. He was ready to renounce the struggle and was well on the way to convincing his prison-mates that they would never defeat Israel. 

Then, one Passover, he witnessed a Jewish prison guard eating a pita. Taamari was shocked, and asked his jailer how he could so unashamedly eat bread on Passover. 

The Jew replied: "I feel no obligation to events that occurred to my nation over 2,000 years ago. I have no connection to that." 

That entire night Taamari could not sleep. He thought to himself: "A nation whose members have no connection to their past, and are capable of so openly transgressing their most important laws, has cut off all its roots to the Land." 

He concluded that the Palestinians could, in fact, achieve all their goals. From that moment, he determined "to fight for everything - not a percentage, not some crumbs that the Israelis might throw us - but for everything. Because opposing us is a nation that has no connection to its roots, which are no longer of interest to it." 

Taamari goes on to relate how he shared this insight with "tens of thousands of his colleagues, and all were convinced." 

Taamari did indeed convince his co-terrorists and breathed new life into the war against Israel. It is hard to exaggerate the damage done by the pita in the mouth of just one Israeli prison guard on the holiday of Passover."

Today's modern "leaders" of Israel are comfortable dining out and keeping "good" company with the rest of the "leaders" of the world - even if it means eating completely non-Kosher. Isn't the main thing to simply fit it, be a part of modern society? Why be different?! Surely we need to show our ability to easily integrate into the lifestyles of others - to become mixed with them, to follow their ways. Surely this will bring peace?

So, what's the value of a Pita to you? Can it make the difference between life and death? Can it make the difference in making this world a better place? That decision, I leave for the reader.